Trust.

I don't trust people easily.
I have a strong protection.
I don't want to get hurt by others.
It seems like I have alot of friends,
But there are only few close friends which I can depend on.
Don't ever get trick by my mask.
I love to wear a mask around people that I don't really know.
How I know whether they gonna hurt me anot?
That's why,
I don't like to talk and smile when those people are around me.
But in front of my friends,
WOW!
I turn to a crazy girl.
Be like a kid and lean on them.
I think FRIEND is a MUST in our life.
Without FRIEND,
I can't imagine how's my life will gonna be.
The loneliness and darkness,
It makes me shiver.
I don't ever want to try it.
I do appreciate my friends.
It seems like I act too much,
Maybe it's time to take off my mask,
And try to get close to others.
But I think it must be super hard for me.
Because of my strong self-protect,
I lost someone.
And yet I still can't change yet.
Now it turns better actually.
But just in front of the someone,
It automatically mode on.
No expression on my face,
Act like a stranger and walk by.
But don't you know what's on my mind when I do it.
I'm scolding myself IDIOT for thousand of times for doing that,
I'm scare that you can see that I'm actually that weak.
I'm scare that I fall in the dark world once again.
I know what I suppose to do.
But I just fail to do it.
The thought of I might hurt you again stop me to get close to you.
I know I'm not good enough.
I don't wanna get in the same situation again.
It's much more suffer.
I think it might be good for you also.
Atleast you don't need to feel upset because of the same damn thing.
You deserve a better girl.
Seriously.

P.S: Big girl don't cry,
       I wanna be a big girl then,
       I will try my best to smile.
      Won't let things make me fall easily.
      Only can payback the efforts you put on me.
      Sorry for everything that I had did to you.
      Even though now I'm still being cruel.
      But it seems like this is the only way I can help you.
     
      And yea,
      I think you may read this post,
     My girl's friend,
     My previous post is not talking about you,
     So don't feel upset or watever,
     I am not that bitch to talk something bad about you in my blog.
     Those I write are truly not human.

FRIEND.

I wonder what FRIEND's real meaning for you all.
Just listen to one side's complain then taking action to the other side?
Start bad rumor about the one,
Start ignoring the one,
Start showing those BITCHIE face,
Start throwing stone on the one.
WOW!
What a great definition of FRIEND.
Please! Get a life man!
Don't ever think you all are perfectly right and others are all wrong.
You all are humans also.
Don't you dare to say you didn't do anything wrong before?
You want the same ending also?
Being ignore by those called FRIENDS.
Smiling in front of you,
Then say those bad things at the back.
You guys seriously scary.
Is it so good to scold your friend a BITCH behind of the one?
Somemore say out that freaking loud like no one can hear it.
WOW!
How awesome!
Awesome like SHIT!
Watch out!
One day you all will fall to pieces also.
Not because of others,
But themselves.
Then I will laugh at them and give them a round of applause.
For giving me such good show and I do enjoy it.
Nah!
Ignore me la!
Like I Care~
I want to show you all,
What's call FRIEND.
FRIEND won't giving up on each other without knowing anything.
FRIEND won't blame each other.
Somemore those not related's gossip girls.
Scold other BITCH,
Look at the mirror.
You're scolding yourself also.

P.S: Don't ever trust those two-faced-people.
       They are scary.

Dream.

Dream is a kind of reflection.
Reflection of the thing you want the most in your life.
Reflection of the thing you avoid the most in your life.
Reflection of the thing you are thinking most of the times in your life.
However,
Someone says dream is opposite to real life.
While someone says dream may comes true in real life.
But don't you think anything that you want,
You have to put in effort to able to hold it in your hands?
Nothing is forever yours.
Unless you try your best to get it by your side.
And also it wants to be by your side.
If not,
Nothing can stop it to find a new owner who truly needs it.
I believe in fate,
But I don't like fate.
It sounds like an excuse,
Which I didn't even try to hold the thing I LOVE tight and it fades away.
Maybe I don't deserve someone's love.
But still I will hope for it right?
Everyone does.
The kind of sadness when you know it's not yours.
And yet it's for the others.
You can't destroy it,
You have to accept the truth that it is not yours anymore.
And force a smile on your face.
Acting like nothing happens and continue your life.
Only when you are alone,
Can't help but the tears fall down without control.
But your life still going on,
Can't because of this and give up on your life.
What a sad thing.
But it's a one of the lesson we have to learn when we're alive.
I don't want to let go anything from myself.
But I have to.
Because only with the way,
I can set you free,
And no need to worry about me.

P.S: What's your answer?
       You haven reply me yet

Let It Burn.

I recently close with boys more than girls.
I found out a stupid way.
Get close to guys.
They treat me good as a buddy.
They told me their secrets.
I help them with some advices.
Sometimes they listen to my complain.
Sometimes they cheer me up.
And hopefully one day the feeling towards you will at least fades abit.
There's always a limit in my heart.
I know no matter how close I am with them.
They are still only friends to me.
Nothing else.
I just want to get rid of it.
I don't wanna lost my soul once again.
Fall for once is enough.
Much more enough for me now.
I can't stand for another.
I may look like a playgirl now.
A bad girl.
But who cares.
I'm not flirting anyone also.
I just need friends.
Because I already lost a best friend that can share my secrets, my feelings.
That was you.
I actually feel sad for our friendship.
We used to cheer each other up.
Even though that time we were still friends.
Without words,
But automatically I know what's on your mind, and you too.
But friend turns to couple,
It's totally different case.
Because the friend turns to the one you like, you love.
You want the one to be only yours.
No sharing with others.
But I know myself.
I used to over protect myself.
I hate the feeling of getting hurt.
I don't like the feeling when I give out my heart,
And ended up there's nothing back to me.
Although I know it will not 100% possible happens to me.
But still,
I did it,
I don't show my feelings.
Right now I can clearly know what's on my mind.
But I won't ever force it to turns true in my life already.
I know it's useless to force.
Maybe it's not mine.
Maybe I don't deserve it.

P.S: I am who I am.
       But since when you become a part of my life?

Forever.

I don't believe in FOREVER.

Although I wish it's actually exists.

Will it be any chance to happens in my life for once?

I don't know.

I don't feel like thinking of this question also.

Just let it be.

We can't force anything to be us right?

It's all about FATE.

No fate, you and the one won't be able together.

Don't ever try to blame anyone also,

Just think of it,

What had you been done to make the one so far away from you now.

Then you will know,

Not that the one is leaving you,

Is you make the one leave you.

And what you have to do is just wish the one good luck.

Telling goodbye without any regrets.

How awesome is it yea?

How I wish I can do it also.

With no even a little regret.

But now I'm living in regrets.

Looking at the ending that I had made.

Speechless.

Just let me keep on dreaming some happy ending.

Don't care if it only happens in my dream,

Just I hate sad ending now.

I hate the feeling of getting hurt now.

I hate the loneliness I feel after everything was over.

I hate being alone now.

I hate LOVE now.

P.S: No Hope, No Love.

       No Love, No Pain.

       No pain, No Tears.

I Miss You.

Just look at you, quietly. 

These few days live like a dead man.

Sleep late, wake up late, on computer, then basketball.
Actually don't feel like playing too much,
Just sit at there better than stay at home.
I mean atleast there still got friends.
Because of basketball,
I get to know some new friends.
Basketball friends.
But all are boy. LOL ><
But not bad wat, atleast they treat me as a friend.
They talk to me, try to make me smile.
Unlike the super awkward relationship between me and you.
I admit it,
I go to basketball not only just want to release my stress.
But also see whether there's a little chance to get to see you.
But I will turn emo after that.
WHAT THE SMURF!!!
I really really hate myself.
Can't even control myself.
What's going on right now?
I tot I want to give up?
I tot I WANT to be friend with him?
I tot I can do it by just ignore everything about him?
All thoughts are just thought.
It will never comes true I know actually.
It just like a kind of sentence which I try to use it to convince myself I CAN DO IT.
But who knows,
Maybe until Form 5 ends,
I still can't move on?
Wow, that must be sad.
Really sad.
I don't care anymore.
I don't want to make any effort for it anymore.
It just makes me feel tired and tired.
So just, time will tell I hope.
Or maybe you will tell?
I really hope so.
I rather you say let's be stranger than be friend.
You know right,
I won't think that you're only my friend,
Nothing others than friend.

P.S: Please, I know I'm a coward, I don't dare to tell out everything in my heart that I want to tell you so much, I don't dare to tell you that I don't want us to be only friend. Because I know it, I have no right. I'm not the right person for you I think.

Nothing.

It's been a long time since I upload a new post.
Hmm.. Maybe something happened.
And I think there's no more point to continue blogging.
Something that I already expected.
But it ended up still have the power to make me cry.
How sad is it.
I have no courage to blog about this.
So I ended up open and close my blog for thousand of times.
I used up my energy for that day.
Totally no more even a little bit of energy left.
I control myself not to burst into tears when I was typing.
I tot I was awesome till I can hold on myself till the end of the conversation.

Until I saw a sentence.
'How long do you think she can stand for it?'
I stared at this sentence, I laugh.
Then my tears dropped down.
She, but how about me? That's what on my mind at that time.
I lost my mind.
I don't really know what I replied.
But I know it already freaked me out.
I can't stop tearing even after I off my comp immediately.
I lay on my bed.
I breath in and out hardly.
But my tears not seems like going to stop.
I'm tired.
I just let it drops down.
My pillow turned wet.
After I calm down,
I suddenly laugh to myself.
'What the hell am I doing right now?'
I woke up and walk in washroom.
Washed my face with cold water.
Look into the mirror.
I saw a girl with red swollen eyes.
Inside her eyes,
All is full of sadness and disappointed.
She feel disappointed to herself and also the guy.
She was thinking to give up everything about the guy after that.
But once the guy talked to her,
She forgot everything that she had promised to herself.
She still waiting for him.
No matter what happened.
No matter how pain is her heart.
No matter the guy just want to be her friend.
She knows right.
Once the thing is lost from her hands,
It will never ever comes back to her anymore.
So, yea.
Let's just be what you want us to be.
Let's turn back to friend.
No special concern.
No special secrets.
Just formal conversation.
Just using 'friend' this subject.
Just,
We are further than anything.
Although I'm still can't move on.
Although I'm still,
yea, loving you.

P.S: Something that you're not holding tight, one day it will not be yours anymore.