I just want to cry out

I donno why, my mood suddenly down so low. And I can't even force a smile on my face. Or maybe I know the reason for this, But I just keep on avoiding it. Now only I realize you can simply distract my feeling, even though doing nothing. What happened to me? I suppose to be a happy and enjoy person, and right now I just tired of everything. My tears want to roll out of my eyes after everytime i saw, heard and even think of someone, something. I think I'm probably going crazy adi. Why everyone get used of my smiley face but not my mood-down-face? I think i acted too much for the past time. And now I just want to be myself, atleast just for these few days. Please don't ask me what happened, because I donno the reason also. I want to blank out my mind so badly, fill up all my time with many homeworks, sports, and doing works. I can laugh like hell in class, but after something happen, all mood gone. How long time I need to get through this thing? Who can tell me? Time pass faster, then everything will be alright? I really hope so. 

I Miss You.

Hope.

Wow.. The weird feeling still following me whenever I saw him., I told myself in my heart a lot of times, DON'T avoid him when i saw him, remember to say Hi to him with a smile like last time, but I just can't control myself by looking away to other side and pretend that I'm fine with it. Force a smile on my face, playing around with my friends when he is around. Disappointed when he just walk by me like what I did. Yea, What to do, I know I did a lot of wrong things in the past time, I can't complain anything. And now, We are just friend, No eye contact, No talk, No laugh and happy between us. Is he feeling the same way as me? Or maybe he already lets go, and I'm still standing at the same position, waiting my scar in my heart slowly recover. He should not give me that kind of sweet memories, he made me needed alot of caring from him. But now, He won't give me anything, I cant get anything from me anymore. So I need to act strong, just like last time. Pretend that I am strong enough to let go, I suppose to do that, I need to do it. Why don't your class just stay at downstairs? So  I won't keep on looking at outside finding for you. I really really needed alot of times to forget about you, at least now i need it. I wanna it turns to normal. But I still can't make it yet.      
P.S : I swear! I will happy like hell if I receive your message, just for once.

I Want

I want alot of things. But I think some of them are impossible to get it. I love it when someone try to gives me what I want and hope, even though he/she tried and end up with nothing. =) Sometimes, I will think all those negative thingy without any reason, the feeling of happy things won't happen on me will keep on recalling me. I donno why. I can be a very positive-minded person sometime, but it's hard to ask me to keep on thinking those positive things and giving myself hope. MAYBE i'm an idiot? hahaha.. Is it so easy to give yourself hope without any wonder? Everyone likes happy ending, but happy ending won't last forever. You have to put alot of effort inside to make sure that everything is alright. But is hard right? =)

I want happiness.
I want happy moment happens in my life with all my dearest friends.
I want my school life getting better.
I want to be in the same class with my gang.
I want to eat alot alot of foods =)
I want to try to look at my friend's eyes when i talk with them.
I want to avoid sad things happen in my life if possible.
I want to turn back time and make a different decision.
I want to change myself.
I want to change the currently 'relationship' between you and me.
I want to appreciate everything, every people in my life.
I want you, to get back in my life again.

OMGD!!!

OMG! >< Can't imagine that the holidays already end! And we have to back to the school by tomorrow! TT I don't want!!! I haven even start my homework! =( I dislike this holidays, sick for the whole week, my dearest mummy not at home almost for the whole week! DISLIKE DISLIKE DISLIKE! >< I'm still thinking whether want to do the chinese essay anot.. =P hmm.. already 1 month? hahahaha.. We just leave it there just like teacher din't give us any homework before. Watever, I don't think i got the mood to do it also.

Awwwwww, addicted to drama~ =D yesterday watch till 3am =P hehehehhee..
I'm so sleepy now. =(
P.S: What happened to you? Seems like you having some problem. Hope you can solve it soon. =)

I love her, a lot. =)

Yea,guess you already know who I am going to talk about.Because you are the one who suggest me to write about you and me. =P Here you go.

Khor Yiming,one word you can describe when you first take a look at her, WHITE! Hahahaha, she gotta kills me if she see this. I didn't know that she will play an important role in my life before i know her well. Okie, let's go back to Form 1. Since that day was the first day of my new school life, I'm afraid of my new classmates,so i won't put any smile on my face when i first meet someone. =) I think alot of people will thought that i hate them when they met me. I'm sorry for it, hahaha.. I want to be friendly too, but just afraid. =P Back to the topic, she sit behind of me and Mei Yee, for sure, Mei Yee was the one who ask her what's her name and blahblahblah, I just sit beside Mei and listen to them. I look at her, she was wearing a pair of spec, with a long long pony tail. She can speak english well,so i tot she was that kind of person, you know,sombong! She just like a girl who smart on study and doesn't like to talk with people. =P hehehe.. BUT! after i know her, ALL my prediction wrong! hahaha. She loves to talk! She can talk to a person who she first meet just like talking to her best friend. =P And soon she come to my house everyday due to her transport problem. And we become super best friend after that. We shared secret, she is the only one who i tell all of my secrets and feeling to. =) (hey, you should be proud!) And yea, of course i cried in front of her alot of times because of some reason. I like it when i'm crying, she just acts like nothing happen and continue doing her thing. =P
I LOVE THIS PERSON SO SO MUCH, MUCH UNTIL I CANT SHOW IT OUT! =) I do appreciate this friend, who create alot of happy moments in my life! I can't imagine what will happen if she leave me one day! =( Sometimes you can't understand what i am thinking and why don't I just show out my feeling just like you. But, maybe something that are easy for you is hard for me. =) Please forgive me if you can't understand why i did those things to you to him and to everyone. =P

EHeMMmmm.. Still got alot of things i can write. But I'm lazy. So, I just stop here. =)
P.S: Ming, remember, no matter what happen, I'll always be there for you. Love you! MuakxXx =)

Sometime, just for once.

Time doesn't change anything, not even abit. What a sad thing, I just can't control myself not to think about all those things when i close my eyes, trying to calm down, but useless. Regret but I can't do anything to make it right. Yea, I'm a coward. Due to some reason, I scare to show out my feeling, I really really tried hard to change myself, I really did. But just can't win myself. I'm just like playing a game, afraid of the feeling of losing, but I didn't step out and make an effort for you and me. I know you are tired of waiting me to put some effort into our relationship. I'm sorry for it.. Everyone thinks that we still have the chance to get back together, but I think there are no more. Although i really hope that everything can turn back just like normal, everyday play around, and you'll always give me a smile whenever i look at you. But now, no more smile on your face. I made it? =(

Yea, all my fault. Thanks for everything, I love you.

P.S : I chat with you just want to tell you that I miss you. seriously do..

WoW! =D

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to addicted to blogging. Blogging is a nice way to release my stress, my feeling and happiness. =) But anyway, my english sucks! Forgive me if you can't understand what I am trying to tell through my words. Thanks to Ming, Fern and Peiling, I FINALLY started my blog. hahaha.. But since I am a lazy person, I won't keep on posting. Yea, I just making this blog for fun. =P

yEe^^