Trust.

I don't trust people easily.
I have a strong protection.
I don't want to get hurt by others.
It seems like I have alot of friends,
But there are only few close friends which I can depend on.
Don't ever get trick by my mask.
I love to wear a mask around people that I don't really know.
How I know whether they gonna hurt me anot?
That's why,
I don't like to talk and smile when those people are around me.
But in front of my friends,
WOW!
I turn to a crazy girl.
Be like a kid and lean on them.
I think FRIEND is a MUST in our life.
Without FRIEND,
I can't imagine how's my life will gonna be.
The loneliness and darkness,
It makes me shiver.
I don't ever want to try it.
I do appreciate my friends.
It seems like I act too much,
Maybe it's time to take off my mask,
And try to get close to others.
But I think it must be super hard for me.
Because of my strong self-protect,
I lost someone.
And yet I still can't change yet.
Now it turns better actually.
But just in front of the someone,
It automatically mode on.
No expression on my face,
Act like a stranger and walk by.
But don't you know what's on my mind when I do it.
I'm scolding myself IDIOT for thousand of times for doing that,
I'm scare that you can see that I'm actually that weak.
I'm scare that I fall in the dark world once again.
I know what I suppose to do.
But I just fail to do it.
The thought of I might hurt you again stop me to get close to you.
I know I'm not good enough.
I don't wanna get in the same situation again.
It's much more suffer.
I think it might be good for you also.
Atleast you don't need to feel upset because of the same damn thing.
You deserve a better girl.
Seriously.

P.S: Big girl don't cry,
       I wanna be a big girl then,
       I will try my best to smile.
      Won't let things make me fall easily.
      Only can payback the efforts you put on me.
      Sorry for everything that I had did to you.
      Even though now I'm still being cruel.
      But it seems like this is the only way I can help you.
     
      And yea,
      I think you may read this post,
     My girl's friend,
     My previous post is not talking about you,
     So don't feel upset or watever,
     I am not that bitch to talk something bad about you in my blog.
     Those I write are truly not human.